The Blank Canvas

In one of my very productive news feed/ timeline journeys, I found a cool science experiment. It consisted of different bodies of liquid: all were of different colours and it looked almost like paint. They were being disrupted by certain objects, causing extremely artful splashes. A cup of light blue liquid, for instance, would be disturbed by a donut-like coin that would be dropped in from a distance and then, in slow motion, they would capture the glorious splash that was created by the object. They even went on to suspend a small candle above the liquid and proceeded to make the splash which did something miraculous: for a brief second, the splash intertwined with the flame and created such a breath-taking image. It was too good not to share, but I didn’t … and I lost it. Now, I have run out of hashtags in search for that clip.

The picture above might be the best illustration of what I’m trying to explain (that’s for us visual learners…I got you).

I’m one that often looks back at my life and wonder, what would’ve happened if in certain seasons, I had made a different choice. What would my life be now? Believing that our today is the product of the choices we made, I pondered on what would my today be if perhaps, I chose the other option(s). Maybe I would’ve made a lot of people happier. Maybe I would’ve achieved more. Only God knows. However, one thing is certain: just like the body of liquid, my life was disturbed.

I had my life planned and set up. With me at the helm, surely I’d achieve everything I sought out. If you had asked me 10 years ago where would I be in “x” amount of years, I would answer with comfort and ease. I’d even go as far as telling you where I would be, in which country, which job I’d be doing and even which car I’d be driving. Ask me the same thing today and my answer would simply be: “Better”.

I gave my life to Jesus in one of, if not the most comfortable moments in my life. I had just completed Form 6 (Year 12), I knew I wanted to be a Rugby player and a Pilot. The Lord knows how much I enjoyed that season. Everything was lined up perfectly and right after I surrendered to Christ, it was as if “a coin was dropped in my cup”. In the video, they would repeatedly drop the objects in, and depending on the shape of the object, the liquid would portray a different but magnificent splash. Story of my life. Today, I am an English teacher, teaching and residing in a South East Asian country; enjoying South East Asian food and embracing South East Asian culture. This is definitely an unusual “splash”.

I titled this piece “The Blank Canvas” because after watching that video, all I could think about was my life in relation to art. I found myself meditating on it and shortly after, I began thinking about the words ‘disturbance‘ and ‘disruption‘. I teach 13 to 15 year olds. In any given day, there is bound to be some sort of disturbance, and I honestly do not prefer it; especially if it’s a Friday. If you think about it, those two words are not so much classified under the “positivity”. They mostly lean towards the other and if the words are used correctly in a sentence, it could even pinch a few nerves. But, going back to art: a blank canvas is simply an undisturbed or undisrupted material. So if the two words are related to negative concepts, then a Blank Canvas trumps a “disturbed” one. Van Gogh would wholeheartedly disagree with that one. You might also, but my goal is to shed some light onto this experience.

Art is the disruption of any boring entity. Think about it, if you take out all disruptions of life, what would you have? Let’s dial into something as basic as food. The yolk and whites of an egg will remain within the shell unless disrupted. Pour your favourite Betty Crocker ingredients into a bowl and don’t mix it. Bake it and have a good go biting through those clumps. It is also proven in the case of music. The mere combination of melody, harmony and rhythm is the product of disrupted instruments. Depending on how gifted you are, your vocal cords (when disrupted) could either compel or repel an audience. (Some of us think there is no difference.)

It is also evident in the practicality of life. With friendships, it isn’t real if it isn’t tested, and friendships are tested in life’s disturbances. It’s a Friday evening and you’ve just come to terms with your best friend nailing her interview for a job that is located in a different country. Now, you must muscle up the energy to cheer for her progress whilst trusting that your friendship will not crumble.

Here’s the last one: the Wright brothers saw that their “cup of light blue liquid” was that traveling took too long and that other engineers were focussing on progressing on-land achievements. They disrupted the whole field and thought: “Let’s fly”.

If I’ve learnt anything from writing this, it is what clearly is a disruption, could somehow be something good. Now, I get that it’s not a very straight forward sort of experience. My words paint a positive picture of what I believe “disturbance” is; however, the reality is that it is a brutal friend. 99% of the time it doesn’t even knock and it is always of an inconvenience. Some might even say that calling these life-changing experiences ‘disturbance’ is an understatement, and I can see that. Life impacting experiences could be abuse, betrayal, rejection, depression, temptation to name a few, and I kinda get how finding some sense of positivity or good in it might be close to impossible … but it isn’t. For these experiences, it is as if our cup has simply been turned upside down and left to drain … but it isn’t. It might have disturbed you to the point of you hanging on by a thread, and dare I say friend, that that’s enough for you to make it out.

My life’s toughest moments are probably minute compared to yours, but the revelation that I’ve found is that it is still a disruption; it’s still a disturbance. Some of the objects that were dropped might have the potential of taking out 80% – 90% of the liquid but you must know who you’ve allowed to hold the cup and to drop the objects. Allowing God to be that being, guarantees that the cup containing the body of liquid will not become empty.

This all begs a question: Is the splash even worth it?

If your life was the light blue liquid and the objects were life’s frictional experience, what would equate the splashes? Could it be the lessons? The growth of character? The refinement? If so, do you think it’s worth the disruption? Is the splash even worth it?

If your answer is no, then I will challenge you to find someone whose life has not been disturbed a single bit. You will not find anyone because the sad truth is (thanks to Adam and Eve): no one is exempted from disruptions or disturbances: they are a part of life.

I think, to an extent, the splashes are worth it, but I don’t think that it should be the focus. We lose part of ourselves when we instantly try to look for the gold in the mud. Human beings need to feel every bit of the rain first to enjoy a rainbow. Rather, I believe that our focus needs to be on who holds the cup rather than what’s in the cup. He who holds it matters greatly … and that choice is ours to make.

One of my favourite scriptures is found in the book of Philippians, chapter 1, verse 6. It declares, “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Our God is not someone who after the splashes, will leave our cup in the kitchen sink to get washed. This is someone who will hold on to that cup until He returns. An interesting thing to note is that the man who wrote this letter to the saints of Philippi, is PAUL: the man who, prior to encountering God, would have it as a norm to hunt and kill christians. This is a man whom after experiencing a great disruption, ceded his cup to God. The splashes followed this disruption has reached the nations and in someways caused many other disruptions.

My choice to give my life to God meant that I would be the “light blue liquid” and the objects would be sourced from the will of the creator. My belief is that as long as it is God’s will, then I’d be okay. Even if the experience in the moment is not delightful, even if I didn’t have the “positive” feeling for it, I simply needed to find resolve in the truth of God being in control of it all. Is it all necessary? 1000% YES. A disturbed canvas trumps a blank one.

“A canvas never tells an artist what to paint” – The splashes shouldn’t be our focus. It should be on the one who holds the cup. It should be on the painter and the painter should be God. When our focus is invested and immersed in Him and His will, then the disturbances don’t drain us as much. We know that our cups will never be empty; that in God’s hands, we will be multiplied; that all disturbances will create breath-taking splashes and that whatever is presented on the blank canvas will ultimately be PRICELESS … so trust Him.